I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
