Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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