I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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