nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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