And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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