fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
