If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
only if we run a train.
done.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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