you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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