I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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