I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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