it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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