just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
