if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
