I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
