hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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