sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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