Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
