Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
