This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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