There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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