I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will pee on everything he values.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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