I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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