We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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