we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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