you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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