So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize