The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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