Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
