i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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