so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
