"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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