Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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