I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
