nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
whose parrot is this?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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