Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm really busy with my period
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