I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
