I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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