How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
