You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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