Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
