somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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