please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
