Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
