Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
