it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
