I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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