Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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