I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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