are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will pee on everything he values.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
