So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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