he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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