Got a toothbrush?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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