im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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