I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
