I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
