I cannot find my penis.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
